And to clarify when I say "their home state" I mean they're currently residents of Colorado. They're originally from Michigan, but the military required them to move to CO. Also, we can prove that she was using substances because his sister visited participated with her while he was deployed. Knowing the wife, she will more than likely deny any accusations of using drugs. We're so fearful that she's going to get her way, get the kids and take him for everything he has.

I am sorry for your friend's situation especially since he is a soldier and veteran.

If his wife is using drugs he can request a drug test through his attorney. If he is pursuing a divorce and has 3 children involved, he will want to hire a good attorney. Beg, borrow, or put it on a credit card, but get a legal professional who is experienced in getting fair custody agreements.

While your friend is recovering from an injury (& perhaps PTSD?) he should take the very best care of himself first and foremost. If he is planning to be a single parent he needs to be in tip-top shape to face the challenges of raising three kids alone or with family. I hope your friend is working hard every day on his physical recovery as well. He should not worry that he might lose custody of his kids, but he should be doing every thing he can to ensure a good outcome for all involved.

Good luck to you in Afghanistan and good luck to your friend. You are a good friend to be so concerned with someone else's drama. :-)

First of all, he *does* have access to free legal counsel. They will not represent your friend in his divorce, since it's a civil matter not related to his military service, but the JAG office can provide general guidance to him.

I am not an attorney and do not keep up with changes in the law, so please advise your friend to seek independent confirmation of this info from a qualified source, but I'll answer based on experiences I had.

Because it *is* a civil matter, the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction and Enforcement Act will govern which state's courts will agree to preside over the matter. Your friend can file a motion to ask the court to place something called an injunction to prevent her from leaving their current state with the children, as long as the children have lived there at least six months and have ties to the community (like being enrolled in school, having friends and/or family, etc.)

If she leaves with the children and there is no injunction in place, she could file in the state she moves to after she gets the children established there, also usually determined after at least six months of residing there.

As May Ray stated, he may be able to request a drug test, too, although whether it will be worthwhile to do this is questionable. It can take weeks to get such an order from the courts, and she will know he's trying to, so she can detox her body in the meantime and come out clean, while he has just spent a bunch of money to make that happen.

Many states now require mediation and/or parenting classes. I am not sure what they entail, but my understanding is that mediation is less expensive and just as binding as going to trial over custody.

Regardless of whether the case is handled by a judge or mediator, your friend should maintain meticulous records containing dates, times, and a description of events that support any claims he plans to make. If she's using drugs, for instance, he should keep dated records containing what he saw on Facebook, when, who the message was from, and what it said.

Finally, he should request a Guardian ad litem (GAL) to represent his children. This is an attorney trained in meeting children's legal needs. The GAL doesn't represent him or his spouse, but looks at the children's best interests.

He can request that she be required to pay for half of the cost for a GAL (and for drug testing, if it comes to that.) He will have to find a way to pay for an attorney or represent himself. With the help of JAG, he *could* represent himself, but if she has an attorney it will put him at a distinct disadvantage. One thing he may be able to do is study child custody laws extensively, and to build his own case by gathering documents and evidence, so that the attorney doesn't use a lot of time explaining law to your friend, which can eat up retainers quickly. If the attorney only has to prepare the motions and appear in court for hearings, it will save your friend money.

The BEST course of action, of course, would be for him to salvage his marriage or put together a separation agreement with his wife before they speak to an attorney.

It's very natural for you to take your friend's side. He's your buddy and you were together under trying circumstances. However, looked at from a more objective point of view, there is another side to the story. To be left alone to cope with three children is stressful for any woman, and even more stressful if she is worried about her husband's safety. Using alcohol and pot to cope may not be the best way, but under the circumstances it is very understandable. Did her husband stay clean and sober - and faithful? - while he was away? Did she actually neglect or abuse the children? How long was he away? How old are the children? If they were all born after the marriage, no wonder she's exhausted. And how has he behaved since he got home? You say he needs her support. But enough soldiers come home angry, depressed, and abusive, sometimes to the point of domestic violence or suicide, to suggest that she may have good grounds for wanting to get away from him and to remove the children as well. He needs to look at his own behavior and how it is contributing to hers. Ongoing counselling is clearly needed here, and a trial separation is not the worst that can happen.

AuntCoffee, you completely missed the point here. She said she has no intention of quitting even after he got back. For lord's sake the man has been bed ridden for over a month and has more to come. Please explain to me how a man who was blown up by an ied just gets over it? He has months and months of therapy ahead and all he wants is a wife and children to be by his side and support him. You don't know the history of his wife. She's had major issues of dishonesty; smoking marijuana and partying while she was claiming to be at work. She's been caught in the act! Also, she fabricates stories and lies to make herself look better. I've caught her mixing up stories numerous times! And to answer your questions, he was deployed for 5 months when he was hit. He was in AFGHANISTAN living in a dirt mound, so of course he wasn't drinking, partying and/or sleeping around. Behavior wise, he hasn't been home, he's been in a bed at a hospital attempting to recover. Physically, he's doing better than expected. Emotionally, not so well. My question is what gives her the right to cope the way she did and expect to continue once he's back? His method was working out, staying physically and mentally fit in order to survive. He loves his babies more than anything, so as she had some sort of comfort from them, he had none. Why do women get all the rights when it comes to children? You act as if men sacrifice nothing when the reality is they sacrifice everything! I could go on and on and if your some women's rights advocate without a heart, please don't respond

Thank you to everyone who has responded.