Save the anger and get yourself a lawyer. I'm sorry for what you're going through but losing your temper with her lawyer gains you nothing. Just my two cents...

Hi, timjahr24, and welcome to WebAnswers.

Of course, HER attorney is going to tell her she is doing the right thing. He is, after all, HER attorney, not yours, and he is being paid ONLY to look after HER interests and HER interests ALONE. And, it would appear he is doing a great job, as I know nothing but that he has you upset.

Rather than explode at HER attorney, you need to get yours, to represent YOUR interests, to bring some balance to the table.

But, for the sake of discussion, what is it that he is telling your wife she is doing right?

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First let me say I understand how you feel, but what I need for you to remember is that 2 wrongs don't make a right. I myself wish someone had told me that when I went through my divorce. Yes the attorney is wrong for what he/she is telling your wife. But what helped my was I looked towards God for all my help, because a divorce is never easy for both parties. I pray this will help you in some way.

First let me say I understand how you feel, but what I need for you to remember is that 2 wrongs don't make a right. I myself wish someone had told me that when I went through my divorce. Yes the attorney is wrong for what he/she is telling your wife. But what helped my was I looked towards God for all my help, because a divorce is never easy for both parties. I pray this will help you in some way.

He's her divorce attorney, not your marriage counselor. If you want a marriage counselor, hire one. Yelling at the lawyer that your wife hired won't endear you to her. If you want to work it out with your wife, tell that to your wife, her lawyer will proceed with the divorce unless and until your wife instructs them to stop.

Be mad at her, not her lawyer. It's she that has decided to end your marriage, displacing your emotions about it won't help, it'll most likely just make it worse.

You've already been through quite a bit, and it's understandable how you feel. You've indicated in the past how you were willing to do anything to save the marriage and how it seemed like you and your wife were making progress in that direction. At some point you're going to have to get this off of your chest, but this might not be the time, yet. Ethically and legally, there is nothing wrong with it as long as no threats or punches are thrown. If, and only if, you can look her attorney directly in the eyes and tell him what you think in a calm, intelligent and non-threatening manner, then do it. But I don't think that's what you're planning on doing, so you should wait. Just remember, words cut a lot deeper if you're not yelling or flailing your arms.

Make sure you aren't angry with yourself first. You want your old life back? If you hire an attorney who runs up the bill, you can't go forward and your best option is forward. I would suggest taking the money if you have it for a lawyer to do something for yourself. That might be counseling. You can't communicate directly with her lawyer if you have a lawyer. I think it is advisable to use one lawyer if you can. Try to find a way to tell her lawyer how you feel then suggest that he find some middle ground so you could support him emotionally and financially - an agreement could include that you help pay his bill, but not if he makes matters worse.

I am sorry you are feeling so badly about this. I'm sure it's so painful to see this man doing things that you perceive as encouraging her. But it is a really bad idea to make it personal with him. He's doing his job, that's all. Maybe it owuld be more appropriate for you guys to use a mediator. You can work out the terms yourselves with guidance and you are better able to bring your feelings into it. The mediator will stop anything that gets too heated, and best of all they WILL NOT encourage any point of view either way. They will just encourage you to work together. If you go off on her lawyer it's only going to make you seem like a jerk and therefore help her prevail in any court proceedings. Again, I'm sorry for this - my husband and I have gone through troubles, too at times and it is so painful.

Money has been spent with the attorney that your wife has. Try first to bring him around to a more middle place. Mediators cost money and lots of it. If someone's new, they have to learn the case. Don't start over if you don't need that. You have to go through the hard feelings again. Maybe you are at the end of that with your current legal help even if it;s her attorney. One good thing might be to reach an agreement then hire yourself a consulting attorney on a flat fee. Be careful that you don't cost yourself too much.

What's wrong with that is that you could possibly wind up spending quite a bit of time in jail.

Statistically speaking, family law is the most dangerous branch to practice. Criminals don't usually kill their attorneys. But passions run so high in divorce cases that spouses - usually the husband - have been known to show up with a gun and blow the entire office away, then ending with a bullet to their own heads.

This is not a good thing.

If you are getting into this frame of mind, you need to stop and draw back. Do not speak to the other attorney at all, but have all communication go through your attorney.

Get counseling, of whatever kind is available. If you are religious, ask for help from your pastor. If not, go to a psychiatrist or therapist. If you are feeling suicidal, call 1-800-SUICIDE.

Take care.

I have practiced family for 20 years. I don't think you need to go so far as to think you are a danger to all society or yourself. I find email works well. Talking about gunning a whole office down is out of place.