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Asked 1/26/2012

Not a deadbeat dad... What to do with parental alienation from ex-wife?

Hello, my husband and his ex-wife just went through a modification to their original divorce decree. This new parenting plan made significant changes to their arrangements regarding their 12 year old son. The reason he took her to court originally was to modify child support. He was paying her 82% above the state guideline amount for 6yrs. and could no longer afford to do that. She was also violating basic rights to communicate anything with my husband and did not feel as though he deserved any rights even though he is the child's father. So what should have taken a few short months to modify, turned into 1 year. She refused to hand over her financials and so everything was delayed. Fast forward to now, the judge is upset because her lawyer still has not submitted their mediation agreements so we are still paying 82% over what is required by the state. We are financially and emotionally sucked dry! I say "we" because I have to work full time night shift just to keep a roof over our head! There have been serious issues with parental alienation here and her own lawyer had to make her agree to email my husband to communicate because she wouldn't use any form of communication at all. As of yesterday she emailed stating that she will no longer be receiving any emails from my husband. (we are assuming that means she blocked them) and that she will only communicate over the telephone(no texting) or in person. So she wants no paper trail. What can he do?

 
 
 
 
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Answer 1/3 - Submitted 1/26/2012

Well he can record all phone conversations with her. Just alert her at the beginning of every call by saying "this call is being recorded for both of our protection." If she continues speaking then that means she's agreeing to the notification and it's perfectly legal to use in court if she says something and doesn't follow through or threatens your husband or anything like that. If she refuses to speak because it's being recorded then she'll just have to find another way to communicate with him - and most others leave a paper trail of some type.

Other than that there's nothing we can help you with here. Her lawyer is being slow because it benefits her and he is being paid to make sure she gets the most benefit. Lollygagging along filing papers and such is a very common problem in family court because one parent wants to keep the status quo and keep getting as much money as they are getting, not lose some visitation rights, etc. You just have to wait for him to file the papers and keep going back to court to report her anytime she does something against the court orders.

Good luck.

 
 

Answer 2/3 - Submitted 1/26/2012

I see this happen over and over in regards to child support...it just gets drawn out and costs more by both parties. The only thing you can really do is start getting more agressive with your lawyer. Include a restitution for overpayment, which might mean your husband may not have to pay anything in the future if she doesn't get on the bandwagon soon. Basically, i would have your lawyer document everything and then tell him you want to up the stakes to as far as you can including repayment for past over payments of support.

Some states won't let you do this...some states will. Ask that she be responsible for your lawyers fees too since it has been drawn out for over a year which is not reasonable. It might not be awarded but again, it might give her some incentive to move quicker. And make sure your lawyer is documenting her refusal to communicate and forward her last correspondance stating that she isn't going to be receiving any more emails to your lawyer as well. Basically, document everything, and start pushing with everything you have. It might look ridiculous but so does the avoidance tactics she has used so far.

The lawyers get paid for the slower it goes, it costs every one money...so tell your lawyer you want a way for him to make more money but you can't pay for it so have it write it up that the other party needs to based on the fact that they have drawn it out and not provided documenation for so long.

 
 

Answer 3/3 - Submitted 1/26/2012

Thank you both so much for your answers. I am very thankful that our lawyer did our case practically for free, since he was a personal friend, and that gave us a huge break. I also believe that he knew that my husband had been financially taken advantage of for so long by her and knew that we couldn't afford much because every cent that we have goes to her. Very frustrating! We will forward her email to the lawyer but I know that he wants this over with just as much as we do. The sad part is, she has been told over and over by her lawyer and a professional counselor (in front of my husband) that she cannot do this but she thinks that she is above the law. I'm sure that is common for these types of cases. My husband would prefer not to have any phone conversations with her because they can easily escalate into non-productive hostile sessions but if he has to it will be recorded with her knowledge. Thanks again!

 
 
 
 
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